Should Apple buy one of these companies?

In 2014 Wired made the suggestion that Apple should instead buy one or more of 10 potential purchases the magazine recommends. Following are the 10 companies Wired recommended (with tongue sometimes in cheek) that Apple should acquire, along with what I'd recommend if I were in charge of Apple (and be thankful that I'm not). It's up to you to decide which of my recommendations are also tongue-in-cheek and which aren't:

Tesla. Why? buy it So Apple could offer an iCar. My advice: don't buy it. Buy Ferrari instead. After all, Eddy Cue, Apple's head of Internet software and services, is a member of the Ferrari board of directors, so there's no need to cause any internal strife.

Dropbox. Why buy it? It's better than iCloud. My advice: buy it (seriously). Then use Dropbox to supplement or fix iCloud, which could still use some improvements.

Uber, the ride-sharing startup. Why buy it? "To to build a mobile logistics network for the modern world." My advice: don't buy it. Instead work with Uber on collaborative features/apps for iDevices.

Jawbone. Why buy it? To acquire its wireless speakers and the Up fitness brand. My advice: don't buy it. Apple doesn’t need it.

SpaceX, which designs, manufacturers, and launches advanced rockets and spacecraft. Why buy it? " … Imagine Jony Ive unleashed on spacecraft. At the very least, imagine the marketing coup of a rocket launching into space with the Apple logo plastered on its side." My advice: don't buy it. Apple should just skip rockets and give us jetbacks (iJets) and teleporters (iPort).

FedEx. Why buy it? "FedEx would give Apple an analogous presence in the physical world. Put another way: Apple’s products are one of the most commonplace ways the world consumes bits. With FedEx, Apple becomes the way the world also moves atoms." My advice: don't buy it. If Apple builds its own teleporters, FedEx and UPS will be out of business.

Target? Why buy it? "If Apple came and swooped up the Minneapolis-based company — now worth about $36 billion — their combined forces could create a potential Amazon killer." My advice? Don't buy it. Apple's retail line is doing just fine. No need to own a department store chain.

Luxembourg. Why buy it? ". Luxembourg is a European financial center. It has a track record of innovation (Skype). Plus castles. With a GDP of a little more than $57 billion in 2012, Luxembourg would be the most expensive acquisition on this list, though still well within Apple’s price range." My advice? Don't buy it. If Apple wants its own country, just have Cupertino and the surrounding locale withdraw from the U.S. and become Apple-lachia.